Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
