what day is it and did you see me today?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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