She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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