Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
