I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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