If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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