why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
