True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
