I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
