Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
