don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
