There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
