I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
People in love make me want to vomit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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