Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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