I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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