i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
