I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
