I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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