So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
