I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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