Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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