from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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