i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
