pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
