life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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