butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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