True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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