her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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