Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
