Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
