She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Who died my cat blue again?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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