You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
