u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
