I wish I could teleport
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
