4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
