1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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