my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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