i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
