I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
