I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
