and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Panties = found
Randomize
