sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
