weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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