I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i dont even know how to be here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
