I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
