I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
