i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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