I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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