I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
