I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
