He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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