Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
