the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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