he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
