i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
