How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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