k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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